Thursday, 27 October 2011

I thought I saw

Write On Wednesdays Exercise 20 Write the words " I thought I saw" at the top of your page. Set a timer for 5 minutes. Write the first words that come into your head after the prompt. Don't take you pen off the page (or fingers off the keyboard). Stop only when the buzzer rings! Do this exercise over and over if you wish. Write beyond 5 minutes if you like, you can link it up as an extra post.

I tried this twice - strictly timed to the 5 mins, with limited editing - I might play around with this as a rewrite sometime. Sort of inspired by the dreamy feel in The Slap last night - Connie's story...

I Thought I saw…


They say it will come when you least expect it. He walked into my life and took up residence as if he’d always been there.

Hey baby, come be with me

Hey baby come lie down beside me, let me kiss you
Hey baby we’ll have such a wonderful life together, you and me
Hey baby you are my love, my only one, my forever…

I though I saw love in his eyes

Silken months of joy, love and desire, happy like never before
As summer faded and leaves grew wizened, promises now lost
I realized I had been mistaken.

Summer sun, steamy breezes, breaths of love and desire
You are my beautiful you are my only
You are my only one

In those eyes, I thought I saw love

Autumn chill, leaves turn golden and sadly fall
No more, summer’s passion passed, now gone

In those eyes, I thought I saw love


  1. I really like this Kate, it definitely has the dreamy element to it!! I feel it really captures the feelings of hope & longing that is so often present at the beginning of a relationship. Well done.


  2. I like the first one...
    the lines "hey baby.... implied more to me

    But I like the last two lines in the second one - it summed it up a bit better.
    Thanks for visiting me too.

  3. I thought this was a good piece. The flow was slow and lazy, which I thought was interesting...

  4. I think I liked the first one best. You could really get a feel for the guy. Interesting. I like how you did the exercise twice. :D

  5. Both very effective. The use of seasonal imagery was very effective in the second piece. However, the 'hey baby's made the first piece zing for me! There is something so poetic and charming and yet accessible about the first piece. I loved it!

  6. I also liked the first one best. It's sweet and full of beautiful descriptions. I would never have thought of using the adjective 'silken' to describe a month, yet it makes perfect sense and feels natural. Same for 'wizened' for leaves. And the first bit, where you say he took up residence as if he'd always been there, is fantastic.

    / Rain

  7. I liked the second one best, it seemed to split the seasons more clearly than the first and gave a sense of time.

  8. I think you are a beautiful writer. Very talented. I always seem to enjoy what I read here! Love the poetic rhythm of these pieces. Love the images of the seasons peppered throughout. It really helped to tell the story.

    Sorry I am reading your piece so late. I fell behind this week!


Please leave me comments so I can develop my writing!