I'm still going with
trying to link my pieces into an ongoing story starting with Sacrifice , then Secrets and next...
Nineteen
She’d been in labour for 16 hours and had
tried her best to relax and go
with the flow, but the agony in her back was unrelenting, even when the
contractions relaxed. The knowledgeable ones had stolen concerned glances at
the tracings of her baby’s heart beat and with the rustle of a white coat, a
decision was made. Nineteen was the last number she remembered counting before
she slid under the heavy influence of the anaesthetic, like an exhausted sailor
unable to keep himself afloat. As Ella
slowly drifted to the surface of her awareness, she could hear a baby’s snuffle
and mewl as she groggily opened her eyes. She watched her mother next to her, entranced and counting
tiny digits, “my darling, she’s so perfect, so just like you”.
photo from http://curiousphotos.blogspot.com
I'm just coming out of my shell in terms of writing so I'll just say - I think you did an amazing amount with only 5 sentences. Felt the new mom's physical condition and at the end wondered why the old mom was there instead of a partner. I was very engaged all the way through!
ReplyDeleteThank you for taking the time to read mine. I really appreciated your comments!