Monday 16 January 2012

Poison

I decided to follow on from last week's Five Sentence fiction piece "Hunger"


Trapped in the cage of her chest, her heart hammered, birdlike, as she scrambled backwards. Was it the berries that killed them, or something else, something more sinister? Consciously slowing her breathing, the tingling round her lips receded, and her eyes darted around the jungle floor as she tried to work out what to do. She just had to get help by whatever means she could – perhaps a fire would alert others to her presence. She reached out for a piece of dead wood, a sudden sting spread up her arm and as her sharp cry split the air, the world started to spin.

7 comments:

  1. I am so glad you decided to continue on with your last story. I wanted to know what happened next. The continuation to the story was awesome and high paced it kept me on the edge of my seat. From your first powerful sentence to the last I was hooked. Great job!

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  2. I too liked that you continued on from your previous story. From your description, I can see the scene and her reactions. Really enjoyed this!

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  3. Very suspenseful - well done! One thing gave me pause "hammered, birdlike", but overall worked for me.

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  4. Great continuation! I found this vivid and captivating. I'm excited to learn what happens...perhaps a part 3?

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  5. I'm gnawing my fingernails - please write a part 3...;)

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  6. I am also so glad for the contiuation! Way to leave me wanting more...again :) Awesome job!!

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  7. OK, all - thankyou for your feedback. Part 3 depends on what Lillie's word is........!!

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Please leave me comments so I can develop my writing!