Her mind was a jungle, a jumble of past and
present, of real and imagined.
Living as she did, in her tiny unit on a busy street, life was
confusing, to say the least.
She thought of herself as a queen, her
throne the bus seat on the main road, her crown a faded carroty halo, roots all
grey. People either ignored her, eyed her suspiciously and took wide berth, or
(only the very brave ones) said hello.
Some days were orange and filled with
irritability, others were blue and quieter. On these days, when the voices were
just mumbles, she would sit by the water and keep the seagulls company, smoke
in hand.
On orange days, all sorts of chaos could
ensue. One day, when the cacophony in her head was all too much, the men in
blue had taken her to hospital. Whilst the food was good, it was a bad mad
place to be and she had promised to behave if she could just go home.
Now that the nice girl comes and gives her
a monthly jab, the noises are mere murmurs, and she can get on with chatting to
friendly voices. She may not fit in, but this is her home.
That was great! The expression in the piece was wonderful, and the entire thing felt very tangible and alive. I think your main character has a great personality!
ReplyDeleteGreat piece. I liked the description of the orange and blue days. I hope you continue this story, her journey sounds fascinating.
ReplyDeleteI love how you use the colors as descriptors. It was a moving, beautifully haunting piece. Anyone could become that woman, she roams streets everywhere. Awesome job!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm with Lillie; this was haunting and moving and even relatable to some extent (though thankfully there isn't a nice girl to come and give me a jab, haha). This is a great piece; the end is rather sad but completely realistic. I hate how the price of making the pain and the chaos go away is making everything else go away as well.
ReplyDeleteI love the part about her throne being her bus seat and her crown being her grey-dyed-orange hair. That was an awesome description.
/ Rain